Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
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I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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