Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I looked at my own cervix.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
