Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(203): View more from Connecticut

there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...

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(248): View more from Michigan

the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.

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(214): View more from Texas

you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.

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(312): View more from Illinois

The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin

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(585): View more from New York

they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too

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(701): View more from North Dakota

I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic

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(708): View more from Illinois

who are you talking about my vagina to?!

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(630): View more from Illinois

Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON

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