i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
