I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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