I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
