dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
