I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
