Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
