did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
