he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
