Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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