Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize