the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
