rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize
