i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
