Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
