My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
