I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
