16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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