This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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