Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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