i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
