Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
