Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
