So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
