i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
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...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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