He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
