Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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