Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
