I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
