yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
