After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
