How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
