y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
