There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
well you can't waste a boner
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
