..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
