I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
