So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
