Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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