the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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