I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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