In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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