i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
