Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
why do cheetos always look like penises
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
