Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Randomize