Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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