So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
