I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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