All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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