I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
