i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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