did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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