THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
