K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I cut my penus on the lid.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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