Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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