Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
