the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
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