i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
