Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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