someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
