if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
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Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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